Sunday, 2 June 2013

NKOTB Cruise 2013

Before you continue reading this blog, you must take an oath.

I, of sound body and mind,
Do hereby pledge to spend the next 10 minutes reading this blog with my tongue firmly in my cheek,
I will leave all my pre-conceptions behind,
My worries, my fears, and my love of correct grammar,
I promise from this point forward,
To celebrate the gift of New Kids On The Block,
And to sip on this Kool-Aid like there's no tomorrow,
For I deserve to read this shit,
I earned the right to read this shit,
So let me enjoy this shit,
About this God damn ship!
Are you ready?.......LETS GO!

By popular demand welcome to the now annual NKOTB Cruise Blog 2013! I wasn't going to write this blog this year but as so many of you tweeted me asking for it, I feel somewhat obligated to once again provide my account of this years cruise so those of you that went can relieve the memories and those of you that didn't can get all depressed and stuff. ;-)

I'm also writing it to help with my chronic PCD (Post Cruise Depression) in the hopes that it will be cathartic. The only alternative I have come up with is hurling myself off of London Bridge in to the Thames, my decomposed body to be found upstream by some hapless tourists, still clutching my Sign and Sail card.

I won't bore you with the details of my week in Miami prior to the cruise, just trust that there was some sun, some sea, some shenanigans, tom foolery, hijinx, a shit load of shopping and some encounters with the usual cacophony of freaks that inhabit the bowels of South Beach when the sun goes down. I have to give an honourable mention to 'Freak of the Week', a homeless crackhead with boils all over his face who insisted on interrupting our delightful feast of lobster and mojitoes at the Crab Shack to inform us that he wanted to 'Fuck y'all in the ass'. According to him, we would enjoy it. I beg to differ.

One thing I will say is that service in Miami has gone down the shitter since last year! In Britain, American service is held up as a shining beacon of how things should be done. The bottomless coffee, the 'have a nice day', the reasonably priced food, the attentive servers. They must all have moved to California or something because the service everywhere was awful. On the last night we went to a restaurant because they told us we would get a 25% discount. What they don't tell you is that its only on certain things on the menu so when we got our bill we had been charged $100 for one risotto and one drink. WTF was in the risotto?? Pieces of unicorn? Crushed diamonds?? Seriously. My rage overflowed, the manager was called and to cut a long story short, we got our discount and I believe I muttered something about writing a scathing review on Trip Adviser. Nothing says 'I'm a bad ass' like a stiffly worded rant on a website that no one pays attention to.

But enough about my problems.....

Saturday morning rolls around and we all wake up with that nervous anticipation in our stomachs. It happens every year. The thought of getting on that boat again and not being able to escape always terrifies me. The butterflies reach an all time high as that taxi pulls into the dock and in front of you is that ever so familiar huge ass line of Blockheads. Fortunately you don't get too long to dwell on it as a big scary dude starts yelling at you about your suitcases and luggage tags this minute your foot hits the dock. We unfortunately arrived around the same time as the NK's and as they are all 'dirty line jumpers' we had to wait outside in the hot sun until they were safely deposited on the boat. Personally I think they should get their asses to the back of the line and wait their turn. Donnie will get heat stroke and then none of us will ever have to wait outside again.

We finally get to the counter and get our all important wristbands and Sign and Sail cards. My words before we got to the counter were 'I don't care what colour the wristband is as long as its not orange'. Well fuck, guess what? Yeah....ORANGE! We pulled row JJ. Oh yeah, the last fucking row for all the shows. I'm surprised binoculars were not included in our envelope. However on the upside, we did get a fancy red Sign and Sail card which denotes you as a 'Carnival VIP' or a 'Sad Muppet' whichever you prefer. Thank you for spending so much money with Carnival over the last 4 years. We're building a fleet of new boats just from the money you've spent on these cruises, in return please accept this red shiny VIP card. Guess What?

So we get on the boat. I always forget about the obligatory photo that you are FORCED to take. I was however pleased to see that they had dispensed with the plastic fruit and fake log this year. Thank heavens for small mercies.

We were on Deck 7 this year which as most people know is the floor that the NK's cabins are on. This was the first year we had been on Deck 7 so I was a little scared that it would be cray cray city with groups of girls hanging around in the corridor hoping to catch a glimpse of a New Kid. People went balls out with the door decoration this year. Near our cabin there were 5 individual dolls houses, one for each NK. Jordan's dollhouse had a wind machine that ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKED!!! Press the button and confetti flies everywhere as the little Jordan doll sits at the piano. The amount of work that went into some of these blows my mind. How the fuck did they fit all that shit in their case? My all time favourite door decoration over the years has been Blow Up Earl....oh how we have sullied that thing in the past. This year, no Earl but we did have Flat Billy as a replacement. We abused that thing. I mean come on, when are you realistically going to have the chance to faux-fellate a Chippendale? I know he's made out of cardboard but I'm pretty sure he came at one point. lol

One thing you can always count on with Carnival is a room the size of a postage stamp. As I look at the 2ft square area of standing space it slowly dawns on me that I've paid about $1000 per square taxes. Assholes. But who the fuck cares, we're on the cruise, lets whack on NKTV and gets some drinks flowing!!!! woooooo! By 5pm I knew all the words to Danny Woods 'What If', a song I had never heard in my life until stepping on that boat. The power of NKTV. It's like voodoo mind control. After a few vodkas I was actually trying to talk to Jordan though the TV. And he was totally responding, ok? lol

Next up, the mandatory security drill. Yeah, didn't go. Mandatory is the new optional it seems. If that boat goes down, I'm going with it. Fuck it. I've had a good life. ;-)


First on the schedule was the Sail Away Party. I thought we'd been moving for an hour already but apparently not. This is the first chance you really get to see all of your 'sisters' in full BSC mode. We grabbed some drinks and went up to the top deck as there was way more room up there to dance and less people to see your excitable drunken antics. And we were excited! Even my self conscious British self manged to bust out my ever so boring side step technique and one slightly coy 'woooo'. I hate being confined by my Britishness sometimes. It's hard when you're whole life you've been programmed to be acutely aware of how you are being perceived and that any outward display of emotion or Harlem Shake tendencies are to be suppressed. 'Ahhh, so this situation requires the emotion 'fun', lets dig that one out'. lol

So the guys come out on to the Lido after the annual oath reciting ritual. My tunnel vision kicks in again. It's all Jordan. All damn day long. In fact its so bad that Joe could strip naked and unfurl the Anaconda and my first thought would be 'So, um, where's Jordan?'. lol!! Speaking of JK, his tan was looking delightful this year and that T-Shirt was, did you say something? Donnie's tan was much less orange this year so props for switching 'tan in a can' brands. It was totally working for him. He looked damn good rocking the 'casual Caribbean beach police' look.

Don't ask me what happened at The Sail Away party cause all I saw was this....

And this....

Photo credit: Unknown

And this...

As I looked at the crowd, there was a higher than average percentage of sausage on the cruise this year. A lot were frightening looking husbands in an advanced state of Post Traumatic Stress. There was however, new sausage on the boat. Aside from the 5 guys we had the added attraction of the producers of '10'. Strapping Nordic folk from my side of the pond who made me feel like a normal height human amongst this sea of tiny statured North Americans. Most of the producers were cool guys, one was a total ass. He shall remain nameless but my 3 friends who were with me when this douche delivered his 'clever' brand of 'cutting humour' know who I'm talking about. You ain't that special buddy, please attempt to get over yourself sometime soon.

Photo Credit: Unknown

There was also another guy in a hat. Now this dude was a total fox!! Yes please! Any which way and any day of the damn week! I had no clue who he was until yesterday, turns out he's Donnie's personal trainer. I wouldn't mind grape-vining across his abs.

Photo Credit: Unknown

Oh and of course, 3D Billy was there. Ahhh Billy, so dreamy! Kind of weird talking to him when 2 hours earlier you'd been dry humping the cardboard version.

There was also alot of family members on the boat this year. By Christ, there a lot of Knights! They breed like bunnies it seems. Two of Jordan and Jon's sisters, some nephews and their wives etc. I saw the Knight family a lot on the cruise and the sisters in particular seemed like they were having a lot of fun! They were shaking their booties around like my mum does when she goes to a 'Disco' (why do people over 50 refer to Clubs as Discos??) lol. I came to the conclusion after 4 days that the dancing gene skipped every generation in that family until Jordan. haha! But I give them major props for kicking it all night and not ending up a hot mess. They were however, 'railing hoggers'. I felt like saying 'Yo, Family Knight Collective, could we possibly shuffle all 17,000 of you slightly over a little so we can actually see what's going on down there?' haha! Those Knights, soooo BSC for the New Kids. lol ;-)

Alas I digress.

Our cabin was at the front of the ship this year. Every other year we have been at the back and without a 'smart brunette' in our little group, this caused much confusion. How can three people walk from one end of the boat to the other and still come out on the deck in the same place!! It was a fucking conundrum. We were in the Pacific Dining Room for dinner and finding this dining room required intelligence that was way beyond our collective blonde brains. After ending up in the Atlantic Dining Room for the 4th time, I sunk to my knees by the elevators 'PLEASE LORD, I JUST WANNA EAAAAAT'. Eventually we found the dining room and were rewarded for our efforts by service that was as fast as a snail making love and a waiter that kept forgetting the number of the table he was supposed to sit us at. Don't these people understand that we are on a tight schedule?? We have a Game Show to go to and then a Lido Deck party to get ready for! Hurry the fuck up with my Caesar Salad, unidentifiable mushroom dish and sad looking lobster. It's all pre-prepared, what the hell takes so damn long?? I guess they are all in the kitchens deciding which one of them is going to shake the maracas and wear the hula skirt during their nightly 'entertainment'. I would swap the 'show' that the waiters put on for food delivered in a timely fashion. When the Pirate guy turned up, I was two seconds away from shoving my fork in to his oesophagus.


I didn't end up going to the Game Show. I felt rushed that night and I kind of just wanted to chill and take my time getting ready plus I had stomach cramps that day so wasn't really feeling it. MC and Jen went and returned early as the seats were so bad they couldn't see anything. Whatever, I'll watch it on YouTube.

The first night's theme was 'Retro Red Carpet' Night. The only night really where we could get dressed up all fancy. Of course, this was the only night where there was a hurricane blowing outside on the deck. Every year there is always one night where it is as windy as all hell. Our perfectly coiffured hair was destroyed within minutes of stepping on to that deck and every photo from that night is either my hair across my face or it wildly standing on end like I have mental health issues and just DGAF. Lots of nice dresses that evening. A lot of red and white, long gloves, fancy hair attire, it was cool to see what everyone was wearing. The guys came out looking very dapper in suits with a retro twist.... lets talk about VIP. Cause I know that's what alot of you are waiting to hear about. lol

I'd like to start first by quoting a tweet I saw the other day....

'I see the same slutty girls got into VIP this year. It's not fair, everyone should get a turn'

A turn? Honey, we ain't waiting in line for a ride on Space Mountain. This isn't a turn system. VIP is for their family and people they consider to be friends and yes believe it or not, some fans have crossed over from fans to friends. You may not like this. You may wish it was you. But it is what it is. If you were throwing a party would you let people in that you don't know and leave your friends downstairs? No. So why you expect them to have a 'turn system' I don't know.

Plus, hating on people with passes is just freaking retarded. ANY fan that was offered one would take it without hesitation. Pretending you wouldn't makes you sound stupid. 

The setup was different this year. Barely any VIP bracelets were being given out and the first night there were virtually none. This meant that a lot of people that would usually get their hands on a bracelet were out of luck. The area that was reserved for VIP bracelets was the worst view on the boat. No where near the guys who were all over the other side and difficult to see the screen or the action on the Lido. The area (formerly Elite VIP) where the guys were was reserved for All Access Pass holders/family etc. This seemed to loosen up a little after the first night as a few people with VIP bracelets were let into this area too. A few people snuck! Two tried to jump out of the Conga Line that came up through there and were promptly thrown out by security. Another girl was running around and security asked to see her pass and when she didn't have one, she was gone too. 

Rose Tours were checking everyone's passes and bracelets and getting rid of anyone without, so much so,  they made everyone wear their passes so that they could be seen clearly. So for that girl who was tweeting about how the All Access Pass people were proudly showing them off, that's why. Wear it or you're out.

So how do you get an All Access Pass? Well, you gotta manoeuvre yourself into one of the following 'Zones'.

Zone 1 - #TheFamilyZone

Be related to a New Kid. Doesn't matter how tenuous the connection, if blood is shared, guess what? YOU'RE IN!!!

Zone 2 - #TheFriendZone

Becomes buddies with a New Kid. Tricky to initiate, requires a lot of commitment and and can take years. Also comes with zero additional perks. You will never see New Kid peen. Ever. You're in the #TheFriendZone Trusted, Reliable, Non-threatening. Guess what? YOU'RE IN!!!

Zone 3 - #TheHelpfulZone

Use skills you have to be helpful to a New Kid. If you are good at taking photos, take a shit load of stylish shots and give them to the guys royalty free! If you are good at running, raise a million dollars for Komen and make sure Danny knows. Lose 200 pounds and become the poster child for #livinghealthy. Make sure at least one of them knows what a prized asset you are to the Blockhead community. This one works particularly well when combined with Zone 1 and guess what? YOU'RE IN!!

Zone 4 - #FamousFriendZone

If there is a celebrity going on the cruise, become friends with them. Celebrities always get perks and you'll get dragged along for the ride. From this point forward, this will now be known as the #KimmyGibblerEffect Guess what? YOU'RE IN!!!!

Zone 5 - #BefriendJared

If you can't befriend a New Kid, go for Jared. Kiss his ass, constantly and with gay abandon. Be super helpful. Agree with everything he says no matter how retarded. Write blogs that are actually useful, positive and make him look good. Praise his organisational skills. Never slag off Ground Control. Don't mock his 'Wizard' schtick and guess what? YOU'RE IN!!!

Zone 6 - #FuckBuddyZone

I think it goes without saying that if you are getting filled out like an application form by one of the single members of the band, you're 'skills' will be rewarded. Not only will they leave you some taxi money on the nightstand but also a shiny laminate. #goodtimes

If getting into one of these Zones seems impossible to you then you're best chance is to try and get a VIP bracelet and then stand at the rope all night wearing something skimpy and grinding. Eventually someone will let you in. 

Alternatively, flirting with the producers seemed to work too. They can't give you a pass but they will escort you in. Problem with that is you then obligated to hang with them all night trying to pretend you didn't just use them as an appetiser to get closer to the main buffet.

Day Two was Half Moon Cay. We didn't leave until mid afternoon and after waiting an eternity for a tender to show up and deposit its sun burnt and sweaty cargo back on the boat, we headed across to the island where the party was in full swing. 

I do love Half Moon Cay, its so beautiful despite being inhabited by a hoard of Caribbean Lotharios wearing 'Lifeguard' shirts whispering in your ear about how they want you to be their Empress. Whilst the thought of being 'Queen Kathryn Whiny Pants of the Bahamas' was rather seductive, I declined his very nice offer and went back to trying to find a Blockhead free part of the ocean so I could pee. #crosseslegs

We pretty much arrived after all the guys had done their stuff as we had only been there about 45 minutes and they were already jumping on the boat to leave. The rest of our afternoon was spent in the sea, jumping on each other and squealing as huge ass fish tried to attack our legs. Fish belong in a bowl or on my plate covered in tartar sauce. Who the fuck put fish in the ocean?? I was scared. :-(

That night was the concert. We sat in the 4th row after the lights went down. LOL! Concert was an awesome acoustic set. I really enjoyed the show although the constant stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down was grating on my nerves after a while. Some of the songs lent themselves more to the acoustic style. Jealous....OMG, that sounded amazing., not so much. That songs needs a phat beat to fully drown out, I mean enhance the lyrics. ;-) I always find it interesting watcing what I perceive to be, rivalry between Jordan and Joe on stage. Each wants to be the centre of attention, each tries to push their part of the song over the top, its hilarious to watch. Joe did his over egged version of PDGG which set Jordan into falsetto overload. Joe shouts louder, Jordan starts bouncing around like a kid that forgot to take his Ritalin and treating us all to his extensive range of tonsil acrobatics. I felt like I was watching a rap battle. haha!

There was a bit of drama in the row in front of us. Two bitches insisted on standing when everyone else was sitting so the rows behind couldn't see. The girl in front of me told them to sit down and an argument ensued.

Night Two was Comfy/Cozy Movie night. Or as I now refer to it 'The Night my Dignity Died'.

The thought of wearing flat shoes and comfy clothes was the best thing ever to me at that point. We the blondes decided that for one night we will be lame and wear matching outfits. Crop leggings and the same damn slouchy, backless shirt from Victoria Secret in different colours. Tried not to be bowled over by our coolness.

The main thing I learnt on Comfy night was that I am no barman. I have no clue what constitutes a shot of vodka. Half a glass of vodka is NOT one shot. NOT NOT NOT. Never pour your own drinks people. Bad things happen. Sometimes, things get so bad that your friends have to sign a confidentiality agreement stating that they 'shalt never talk about the events that occured'. Welcome to my Night 2.

I can't tell you a great deal about Comfy night as I don't remember most of it. It seems the line between being happy drunk/loving the world and being totally obliterated is about 2 sips in my case. I remember going to the Donnie party and losing MC within a couple of minutes of getting in there. The next thing I remember is standing on a podium doing drunk dancing, kicking over a glass and being yelled at by some girl. 'You really should get someone to clean that up!' she says. 'Well yeah, but I'm not going to' were my words. Seriously. Its a dark, hot, sweaty club. Don't put fucking glasses on podiums where people are dancing and then don't get all 'Junior Deputy Health and Safety Officer' on me when I ACCIDENTALLY knock it over. Even if I had been able to get off the stage, walk to the bar and get someone to clean up the mess I don't I could form a sentence that could be understood by any mammals that breathe air and drink water.

All I remember after that is Jen asking everybody in the club over and over again 'Where's MC????' to which the response most of the time was 'Who the fuck is MC?'. We're going to do this next year...

I stumbled off the podium, barged my way through grinding Blockheads. I was focused on that bathroom stall. I would get to that bathroom stall. I would not throw up in front of Donnie Wahlberg and Earl!! I made it. 10 minutes of vomiting ensued and I couldn't even sit on the ground without my whole body wobbling around. Thank God Jordan had gone to bed.

I ran straight out of the bathroom, ignoring Jen and attempted to find my cabin. The poor security guy who was sitting outside Jon's room just looked at me shaking his head 'It's that way' he said. I mumbled a thank you and promptly crashed in heap on the floor. Eventually I made it back to the cabin and guess who was in there?.....MC! Also passed out drunk on the bed. The 2 minute walk from the Donnie party to my room was too much for me and I spent the next 2 hours with my head in the toilet bowl. At one point I fell asleep, my head so far in the bowl that I had a wet forehead. #FuckingDisaster

And then there was the incident that shall never be spoken of. lmao!

Day Three was Nassau. Well for some. For us it was slowly die in your cabin day and apologise profusely to Romy the maid. Poor bitch is probably still cursing our name. I still felt drunk and spent most of the day in bed. My delayed hangover started to kick in about 1pm from which point on I ate barely anything for the rest of the cruise. The girls were so great, bringing me food up from the buffet only for me to eat the tiniest bit of egg before pushing it to the side muttering 'I'm full!' lol!

MC knows how to make a girl feel better 'Hey Deb, on the upside when you're feeling better in a few hours, just think how skinny you will be after all that puking. You're gonna look so good tonight'. Every cloud.....

As we were sitting in the cabin that evening, Jen comes in from the balcony and says 'Can you smell smoke?'. Why yes, young Jennifer, my pants are on fire! As we all scurried onto the balcony there was a definite smell of thick acrid smoke. OH FUCKING HELL, THE BOAT IS ON FIRE!!!!! AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE MY MUSTER STATION IS?? *cry*

We ran into the corridor and grabbed Romy the housekeeper who kind of rolled her eyes and said 'its probably just a curling iron or someone is smoking'. She went out on to the balcony sniffed the air, leant over the side and then said 'Um, yeah' and then ran off. I had visions of the boat sinking and the three of us ending up in the sea clinging to a floating door whilst Celine Dion plays on repeat. How dramatical. 

The boat however did not sink but I still like to think that we saved our sisters and the New Kids from impending disaster. If that doesn't guarantee an All Access Pass next year, I don't know what will! ;-)

The Third night was Remix Night. This was by far my favourite night despite the fact that I drank water all evening. It's kind of fun being the only sober person in a drunk crowd. Much observing was done that night. heh. Jordan's nerd outfit and subsequent nerd dance slayed everybody. So fricking funny, he looked great.

Photo Credit: Becky Miranda

At this point I would like to recognise all of those people that tweet about how they always end up saying something dumb to Jordan. Next time, just remember this conversation:

Me to JK: OMG OMG, you look so fucking amazing as a nerd! You are so adorable! You're like one of those little kittens that's soooo damn cute you just wanna hug and squeeze it until it dies!!'

JK to Me: So basically you wanna kill me.


Shoot me. Shoot me in face right now. lol

Remix was the night that Billy fell in love. lol. With MC. She's such a little closet dynamo. All the guys love MC cause she's all little and cute and funny. I went to get food and when I came back I looked over and Billy is sitting on a couch talking to MC, their faces about an inch apart. My sensible self wanted to grab her and save her from herself. The pull of a Chippendale is too much for any mere mortal to deny. The evil side of me was screaming 'FUCK HIM!! FUCK HIM!!! Take one for the team!!!!!!!!'

Billy then proceeded to get down on one knee and propose a one night stand to MC. If I was decent friend, I would have told her it was morally wrong! Instead, I got that shit on video. How Joey Greco of me. ;-) I hasten to add, the only person MC ended up sleeping with that night was me. Apparently I was a huge disappointment.

I can't remember the order of events on the cruise so just gonna randomly throw things in. Joe's Duets at Dusk, I didn't go as I was busy seeing friends. MC and Jen went and came back in tears. Apparently it was really emotional. Danny's BBQ thingy, didn't go but I could hear it from my balcony. Donnie's backrub, didn't go......and fuck I wish I had of after finding out JK was there, molesting people. lol! I've since watched the footage on YouTube numerous times. I was actually stunned that he did it, and was such vigour! You know Jordan, petrified of anything that makes him look slightly suspect and here he is rubbing thighs with oil, caressing hair, letting a girls hands wander round his tighty whity clad torso, culminating in a starfish type manoeuvre.

Photo Credit: Unknown

This was way better than the backrub he did on Cherrytree Radio that one time, which literally made me rip out my ear buds in horror. 

As for the girl that got rubbed by Jordan. I'm so happy for you! You go girl! What awesome luck! ;-)

The last day was the Photo-Op. Known for being a clusterfuck from start to finish this year was no different. After lining up in our groups for an hour we were within 10 minutes of getting our photo done when Victor appears, grabs a chair and delivers the devastating news. 'Ladies, I'm sorry but we will be taking the first 10 people in line. That will be your group'. The panic that snaked its way down that line was palpable! Some people started organising their groups 8 months ago!! Surely I'm not the only one who got sick of hearing 'Looking for one Jon, 2 Donnie and Danny girl for Early Dining photo op group!!!!!' 

Reality dawned, you may not be able to stand with your favourite and you may not get to have a photo with your friends. Now I would normally mock people who freak out over this kind of thing but in this case I thought it was a bit of a fuck up on their part. For some people, the photo op is the only chance they get to speak and have a photo taken with their guy so to throw that all into jeopardy because Rose Tours have an inability to properly manage the line seemed very unfair. 

Rose Tours were assholes that day. Jeannie was like a scary yelling banshee. Once again, they totally underestimated the bubbling rage that resides within Blockheads.

They then said that if you had a group of 10 to line up in a different line, which we did. When we got to the point of having our photo somehow three girls without a group were in front of us. They got in the wrong line so our group was going to be split up to accommodate these girls. So did we act like ladies, suck it up and split our group. Oh hell no, we stood there arms folded holding up the entire line until the Rose Tours guy let us have our photo together. Why should we suffer because RT can't organise a piss up in a brewery and three random girls can't follow simple instructions. To be fair to the girls, they did immediately step aside when they realised their fuck up. 

So we have our photo done. Here's how they rate on the hug-o-meter: 

Donnie - Lack lustre, half assed hug. Like a dog, he can tell when you are nervous.  

Danny - Decent hug and for the first time ever he recognised me. Had a bit of a chat, I was pleasantly surprised! 
Jordan - I know his hugs come under a lot of fire and yes they can be somewhat restrained in comparison to the tighter than tight starfish Jon hugs but I like Jordan hugs! #JordanHugDefender
Jon - The best hugger out of all of them! His hugs feel genuine, meaningful and full of love! Jon hugs are the fricking best. 
Joe - Very disappointing this year. Barely acknowledged your existence. Whatever. lol 

The Cruise DVD was thrust on our hands as we walked off the stage and off we went back to the buffet to get some lunch. The chaos at the Photo-Op was obviously fed back to the New Kids as mid-afternoon, Donnie comes over the PA to apologise for the 'mis-communication' and the splitting up of the groups. That was then followed by lots of groaning and heavy breathing that you couldn't get away from as it was emanating from the ceiling. It was however, fucking funny as hell. I am quite scared of Donnie but I do love him sometimes. :-) 

So the last night rolls around. GPS Night! It has been raining so the whole deck was soaked and for me this was the least enjoyable night out of the four. The guys looked great that night too! In particular Joe with his green hair and Jordan with his red mo-hawk and flashing glasses. The vibe seemed subdued, maybe due to the weather or the fact that it was the last night and everyone was starting to get sad. At 1pm Jen says 'I can see the lights of Miami'. WTF? We don't normally see those until at least 5am. Then news filters through that the boat is hi-tailing it back to Port due to TWO medical emergencies. One of the crew had a heart attack and another girl had a seizure on the deck. I mean come on people. Couldn't you have waited until tomorrow? How inconsiderate! I hope this doesn't interrupt the party. lol. Of course I'm joking before you all start calling me a mean bitch!

GPS Night
We pulled into Miami 4 hours ahead of schedule, this didn't stop the party though. I was dead on my feet at 4am and decided to go back to the cabin with MC leaving Jen jumping up and down with Donnie on the deck. I went through my usual final night ritual. Sitting on the balcony with my feet on the railing, looking at the lights of Miami, listening to Donnie being WOW'ish, with the wind blowing betwixt my thighs, composing an email and blubbing all over my iPhone. This happens every year and generally lasts about 10 minutes! lol. We were in the cabin for about 30 minutes before deciding to do a final walk round the Lido Deck. God that deck looks gross in daylight! Spilt drinks, paper cups, crap everywhere, probably urine and feaces...who knows! And with that another cruise was over. There is nothing more depressing than getting off the boat that morning. 

PCD kicks in almost immediately. The saddest part is having to leave the people that you had such a good time with. I live far away from most people so not knowing when you are going to see them again is tough.

The cruise is the best 4 days you can have and its the people you meet that make it special. I want to end this blog by saying thank you to the wonderful people who made this years cruise so awesome, so here goes....

@Starbucksapron, @Chi_twnzfinest, @ATLAngela, @Twissted, @pinkstripedhair, @NurseKrissyMac, @LynnieLynn77, @imnangl, @Settled13, @BillyJeffry and of course @jordanknight

My final thank you's are reserved for two special people. My partners in crime, my loves, my heart, my best friends, my sisters, the keepers of my secrets..... @mccasey1977 and @justjencasey Without you guys this would all mean nothing. I don't know how I got so lucky when we randomly decided to cruise together 4 years ago but I will forever be grateful that we all found each other. I love you guys. x

Thanks NKOTB for another awesome adventure. See you next year! xo


  1. People are telling me that they have left comments on this blog but I can't see any! Not sure if its a problem or not as mine are displaying. boooo!

  2. Awesome as ever! Next year a pic together! @JKsTinkBella

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  4. Amazin as always!! Thx lady ;)

  5. No mention of the two Swedish twits that missed the boat & drove everyone on twitter crazy for 3 days?!

  6. I have read a lot of blogs in the last couple of wks and I have to say this has been the most entertaining. Thank you for sharing your cruise experience with us. It was my first and I had a blast myself.

  7. Entertaining as always. Thanks for doing one this year! I look forward to it every summer.

  8. Absolutely hilarious, and I have to say that I am quite impressed with your ability to remember so much of the cruise! My line between happy drunk and obliterated is also very fine, and when I cross over, my memory apparently stays on the other side. Thanks for giving me back some of those funny memories! ;) Love you, and can't wait until we can do it all again!

  9. Love reading your Cruise Blogs...ah besides the fact that I was never an actual cruiser til this year. I must say, my dear, that you have amazing taste (fellow Jordan girl here)! The nerd suit definitely did it for me also aside from J's uncanny resemblance to Pee Wee Herman. I see myself in the Backrub video you posted and I have to admit that I look a lil too excited to NOT be the gal being groped and laid upon, Strange. Can't wait to redeem myself next year (crossing fingers)in the group photo. I look more allergic to JK than attracted to him. Damn me! Anyhow, great blog. Hope you had an awesome time. Peace, Love, and Jorgasms for all!

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  11. Loved your blog! You made me lol and get more excited about June (if that is possible!)

  12. Just found your blog... its freakin funny as hell and completely correct . I was on the cruise also and had a blast. I will be on this years cruise also. cant wait for the fun to begin

  13. Did you know that you can shorten your urls with AdFly and get cash for every click on your short urls.


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