Sunday 23 May 2010

10 things we love about Jordan Knight


1. THE VOICE

Something this pretty and perfect has not come out of two lips since Mama Putnam gave birth back in 1970! Ahh the falsetto, annoying as hell when coming out of the Gibb brothers, totally awesome when coming out of Jordan! 

I often wonder what tonsil-tastic technique you have to employ to get your voice to sound like you've been castrated. Whatever he does, we love it. Would I'll Be Loving You Forever have been such a big hit without the falsetto?? I think not! There is a reason this song is never on karaoke playlists. I think bar owners are concerned for their windows and the ears of local dogs. No one can do it justice. Whilst the falsetto is the star of the Jordan show, lest we not forget about his regular singing voice, smooth, sexy and so painfully perfect I've feel like I've been beaten over the head with a rainbow after 3 songs!

2. THE DANCING
Oh holy hell. I defy anyone, animal, vegetable or mineral to watch him dance and not immediately have your brain divert to guttersville. Those hips have a mind of their own. Its like watching a box of cobras wriggle around.

He has a few signature moves that are sure to appear at any given moment. There's the "JK Thrustie" where those hips circle around and pop so perfectly into place that you can't but turn your head sideways and try to imagine it horizontally. Back in the day, this move was not as refined.....more like a jackhammer, ahh the exuberance of youth. He's got it perfect now though. None of the other NK's can pull out a move that produces as much squealing as the JK Thrustie! Sham-wow-tastic!

Then there is the overltly sexual, "Crotch Grab". JK does not hold the patent on this move, its been a favourite with boy bands for years however, when he grabs his junk, he grabs it. There is no "I'm grabbing my trousers in the vicinity of my junk" going on here. It's a full on grab....and it looks to be quite a handful.

Then there is the "Crotch Point/Girl Point". You will usually see this move combined with the "JK Thrustie". At some point in the show, he will find a pretty chica in the front few rows bust out the Thrustie, point at his crotch and then point at girl. Wash, rinse, repeat. Throw in a healthy dose of goofy grin and you have yourself the perfect erotic dance move usually causing lucky chica to pass out and require medical assistance.

Then we have the "Smooth Body Popping". Perfectly executed moves that are sexy and fluid and make him look like he's made from rubber. Justin Timberlake ain't got nothing on this boy! That's right JT, who's yo daddy?? Watching JK dance is my porn!

3. THAT FACE
If aliens landed on Planet Earth and asked us to hand over our most perfect specimen of facial perfection in order for them to be able to conduct experiments to learn more about human kind, I would be there with a big stick pushing Jordan into the spaceship.

Lets break this shit down and work from the top. Firstly, the hair. From rat-tails, to Latino gangster crew cuts to his current Tin Tin (Belgian cartoon character, look it up) hairstyle, he's always had great hair. He's 40 now and not a single sign of baldness. Apparantly that means he's highly virile...oooo matron!

What's next, ahhh the eyes. When they are open and not in a squint they are beautiful! So dark its like looking into two black holes. When those babies lock on you, you may as well tell every other guy to go home! Game Over Bye Bye. His nose.....erm, he has a regular nose. lol

The mouth. OMG. Never have I been so obsessed over someone's bottom lip. Perfectly pouty, almost a bit girly you can tell this man uses a lot of cherry chapstick. Of course the lips are just the fancy packaging to the real prize. Open them up and what do we have...only the best set of gnashers this side of Tahiti!! Granted, it took a lot of orthodontic work to get them there BUT that is one perfect smile. I didnt wear shades to my Photo Op cause I was hungover, I wore em because my retinas had not yet recoevered from the last time he flashed his teeth at me! Delightful. I love a man with great teeth!

Finally we have the dimple. Just the one. Its like God looked at him and thought.....nah, not perfect enough, lets throw a dimple in there too! Yeah, life is not fair!

4. THAT BODY
The photo says it all. Seriously, my stomach fell out my ass the first time I saw the new BIBIY. I don't think a wind machine was really required. He could have just ripped open that velcro shirt and the collective sigh from the audience would have been enough to get that shirt flapping around for the next 2 years. To me, its the perfect body. Not too big, not too small, nice shape, inoffensive nippleage and just enough chest hair to scream "ugh ugh, I'm a man" but not enough for it to be icky.....yummers!

I'd still hit it!



5. THE DORKINESS
How this man pulls off being so sexy and yet being such a dork I don't know. Most men are either sexy but deadly serious or so dorky its embarrassing. Combining the two takes major talent! The goofy, puppy like smile, the silly faces, the dorky dance moves all somehow add to the appeal.

Lets not forget about TINK! Now there is a slightly feminine, nerdy word if ever I heard one. Most men would pick a more manly sounding word to signify there eyes have just opened in the morning, like CRUNK or GADANG but not Jordan. His geeky side chose TINK!

He gets excited over fist pumping to Shots, has a love for low-rent reality TV shows, incoporates his favourite confectionary into live shows, plays guessing games on Twitter, I Got You and likes to spend his time creating Mii characters of fans faces. He's cute as a button! He doesn't take himself to seriously and that's an attractive quality. I so love Jordan the Dork!

6. THE MYSTERY
Out of all of the New Kids I think Jordan is the one people find the most mysterious. Intensely private and not as in your face as some of the others I think people find him hard to work out. Those eyes are beautiful but they don't give a lot away.

If Jordan were a vegetable, he would be an onion. And by that I don't mean makes you cry and makes your breath stink, lol, I mean multi-layered and complex. I hear alot of people call him "Kelso". I was unaware of this TV character until a few months ago and was horrified to find out that this character is a bit of spacey dumb-ass!!! Granted, he does have this look sometimes where you wonder if his brain is actually present in the room or off in Jordan-land but I have a sneaky suspicion that he is the most switched on out of all of them. Its the ones that talk the least that observe the most. No one knows a great deal about Jordan which makes him intriguing......and mysterious is sexy.

7. THE CHEWING
He chews so much gum I am strating to wonder if he has an endorsement deal with Trident. He chews so much gum I did consider buying him a bumper pack for his birthday. What is this obsession with gum all about? Is there some medicinal properties to the constant production of saliva that helps keep the voice crystal clear? Or maybe its because he has to hug and kiss fans so often that he wants to have breath as fresh as a daisy? Maybe he just likes gum...a lot.

He also seems to be able to orally multi-task, combining singing and chewing. See video below

By Christ, the man even chews sexy. I want to be a piece of Trident, live in Jordan's left cheek and by slowly masticated over a 24 hour period. That's HOT!

8. THE CLOTHES
Is there anything this man cannot wear? Granted, back in the day there were many fashion faux-pas but didn't we all look ridiculous back in the 80's? I used to wear shell suits in neon pink for gods sake so I think we can forgive him for his heinous fashion crimes of yester year. These days, he's looking good. From tux's and suits to t-shirts and jeans he can work the "DILF| look like no other! More recelty he seems to be embracing the "sexy golfer" look. FOUR!!! He can come plant his tee in my bunker anyday. Below are some of my fave Jord outfits:

The all black "Twisted" outfit

This does it for me everytime. It's the simplicity of the outfit and possibly the fact that the top is very erm, form hugging.

Nothing hotter than a guy with dark features dressed all in black. Joe can twist, contort and writhe on the floor as much as he wants in the YouTube clips of Twisted live and I could not give a damn....my eyes are on JK in THAT outfit, being a dork with his Twix












The Today Show suit
Ahhh, love it! They all looked great dressed in this but JK worked it the best. The white tie, black suit combo was a winner!

See video below to be schooled on how to work a suit on live TV
















NEW ENTRY!!! Sail Away Outfit
This look premiered only last week at the Sail Away party on the NKOTB cruise. Again, its simple but oh so hot!

The shirt was kind of open to the top of his chest and it had a habit of kind of flapping up at the bottom in the breeze. It made me wanna drink.......heavily and then throw myself overboard.

Vacation Perfection and the template outfit for hot dad's everywhere!











The White Vest/White Shirt/Dog Tag Combo
I have a soft spot for this outfit because it was what he was wearing the first time I met him and he likes to wear it a lot!

It's casual but cool and with the vest underneath, there is always a possibility of the shirt coming off and us getting un-expected tickets to the gun show! Awesome!

The dogtags just work. I'm all for a bit of man-jewellery swinging around a well defined chest. Love this outfit!





















9. HE'S A SNAG (SENSITIVE NEW AGE GUY)
I'm not normally a fan of SNAGGY men. I like my guys to act like guys. Don't normally go for men that are extremely in touch with their feminine side and are uber sensitive to my needs. Feminists will hate me for this but I'm much more of a "Yes you can watch the game honey, no you have to help me with the housework, here's a beer and I will blow you at half time" kind of a girl. LMAO!

Jordan however, seems to be quite a sensitive guy, or at least that is the impression you get. Quiet, kind of fragile, sings love songs, with a beautiful tortured soul, he fits the SNAG mould. Saying that, because the SNAG part of him is combined with the overtly, manly sexual side it prevents it from being too sickly and makes him the perfect all rounder! We women love a manly SNAG.



10. HE'S JUST AWESOME
See points 1 - 9 and then watch this. A video that incorporate all of the above! ENJOY! I know I do!


Please feel free to comment and add any reasons I left out.

Bonsoir! x

8 comments:

  1. I've never heard of this fellow. Do you think there's a chance he'd come to the Congo and play with my females? Every now and again they pine for a pretty man.

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  2. YOU MADE MY DAY! All of it - 100% true! And that's why we love him!

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  3. I know what you mean about the JK tunnelvision thing. I suffer from the same disorder.

    I swear I was brainwashed by the dude when I was 12.

    @soniank

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  4. You've hit on everything about him I love about so much! Thanks for putting it into words I couldnt describe myself..he's just so well rounded in terms he's the good guy with some bad boy tendencies. he's humble but yet he knows he's the ish! he has that dark and sexy look, but make him smile big or laugh and he looks like a kid again.

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  5. Girl you are spot on with this list!!!

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  6. Ahhhhhh right on the money!!!! Loved reading this. Validates for me why I have been a Jordan girl since '88...

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  7. As he may be boy boy look cutie I prefer longer locks and a rebellious attitude plus I'm old enough to be his 14 year old mom. Lol I'll say he ranks about 5 on my personal scale. Been there done that type.

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