Friday 21 May 2010

NKOTB CRUISE 2010!


Every once in a while an event occurs that you look forward to and plan for so long that its hard to imagine life after it. It's like you haven't even considered that the world carries on spinning after this event occurs. For the dedicated New Kids On The Block fans, that event is the annual fun-fest that is the NKOTB cruise. 3 days on a ship sailing from Miami to the Bahamas with 2000 of their most dedicated fans, mostly female all of whom are vying for the attentions of the 5 objects of their affection. Sounds like a fucking nightmare doesn't it? Lol.
 I did not go on the cruise last year but decided to incorporate it into this years vacation plans. I will admit that I went with a certain amount of trepidation. Historically I am not a girls girl. I like hanging out with guys because I can relate more to men, they are less complicated and much less bitchy. What you see is what you get. The thought of spending3 days trapped on a boat with screaming women all going crazy to get some “Facetime” with their fave New Kid did not sound like fun to me. Oh how wrong I was. This blog is an account of the 3 days I spent on the boat, what I observed, what I liked and disliked. Not everyone is going to like it or agree with me, it is just my personal opinion from my experience (disclaimer). I won't be naming any names but if the shoe fits then wear it with pride biyatches!
So Friday rolls around. I'd been in Miami with my two cruising buddies, Jen and MC since Monday. We had a blast that week and I feel honoured to have met two such cool people. That was the best thing to come out of this whole experience. Miami was pretty much Blockhead free until Wednesday when suddenly NK T-shirts started appearing in South Beach at every turn. I liken this whole NK tribe thing to a cult....no one outside of NK land really gets it. Most laugh when you tell them you like New Kids let alone that you have chosen to spend your vacation time plus mucho $$$ just to be on the same cruise ship as them. Its like a dirty little secret that must be hidden from people in your regular lives in order for you to retain a certain amount of credibility.

We had spent our week in Miami at The Catalina Hotel in South Beach, a ghetto fabulous establishment that had red maggot wallpaper in the elevator, karaoke in the evenings and if you were sitting outside in their restaurant anytime after midnight you were treated to free entertainment from the local crackheads and nutters. Many would hate it. Personally, I can't wait to stay there again.....cause thats how I roll apparently!! It had character. Anything low rent and I am sooo into it! Put me in a swanky hotel and I start to feel uncomfortable. Using our feminine wiles we made friends with the waiters which ensured free Bellini's on a daily basis and one poor waiter, a Puerto Rican guy called Louis fell in love HARD with MC. Watching her having to diss him on a daily basis was like watching someone back there car slowly over a kitten repeatedly. He gets 10 points for persistence and effort though and a bonus point for rescuing us from the clutches of a crackhead photographer who wanted to take pictures of us naked outside the hotel.....in black and white cause apparently black and white photography makes anything look classy! That dude was classic. He literally had a Happy Snaps camera, so cheap looking that even ILAA would have dismissed it and was trying to say he was a world class professional. His favourite photographer was Andrew “something” and his favourite thing to take photos of were cups and strippers. Seriously people....The Catalina Hotel....pure entertainment!! haha. He was favourite nutcase of the week.

PRE-CRUISE CONCERT, THE FILLMORE, MIAMI
I am digressing slightly so lets get back to NKOTB. So the BH's infiltrate Miami from Wednesday onwards. Thursday night was the show at The Fillmore, a pre-cruise concert to get everyone in the mood for the weekend and put a big smile on our goofy happy ass faces. For me, this was the first chance to get to see and interact with people that I speak to everyday on Twitter and I have to admit, leading up to the concert that night I found myself nervous to be around hoards of fans. When we arrived at The Fillmore, the line stretched round the building. It was all GA so the closer you were to the front of the line the better chance of getting a good spot on the floor for the show. I am not into lining up. Hate it, hate it! I hate jostling and pushing and people freaking out at line jumpers and all the general hysteria that goes with trying to get as close as possible to the NK's.

Fortunately I was with two people that were down with that too so we didn't bother with the line, instead choosing to stand near the grassy area, away from the crowd. After seeing the mess that was GA in Vegas, where a cat fight broke out and Jordan and Joe got pelted with glow sticks, I had no desire to be in the standing zone. Give this old girl a seat and easy access to the exit door!! We waited for the line of people to file in before finally joining the back. When we got inside the floor was pretty much full but even by waiting as long as we did, we had really good seats just to the left of the stage. To my shock and awe I was seated next to......wait for it......a MAN-FAN!!! OH EM GEE! A straight one at that! This was rare!! I looked at him the same way I look at a baby wearing earrings...sort of scared and confused. I wanted to ask him if he was a proper bona fide fan but thought it best to avoid eye contact altogether as he was probably just there for the pussy, and with my lady garden being in closest proximity to him, I didn't want to encourage him. Haha. He tried to talk to me a few times during the show. I was polite but aloof. He did look after my bag though when I went out for a ciggie so he did have his uses. Before the show was about to start the odd person would come up to me and ask if I was “Kate”. I would say yes and then we would have a chat, if you spoke to me and I looked kind of spacey it was probably because I was desperately trying to figure out who you were in my brain. Lol. I myself am completely crap at recognising people from their Twitter profile pics. Everyone needs to wear a sash with their username next year. It makes it easier for retards like me!

So the lights dim, the doors are closed and the cult awaits the arrival of their leaders, ready to immerse themselves in all things New Kiddish for the next hour or so. I was pretty excited for the show, I'd already seen it in Vegas and knew how awesome it was and couldn't wait for my friends to see it. So the NK's burst on to the stage and hysteria erupts. The show has a dance/mash-up edge to it and the changes made since the last tour make it have a completely different feel. It was a great show.
I suffer from Jordan Knight tunnel vision, I've been to the optometrist, there is no pair of glasses in the world that can cure my ailment. It's kind of a problem as I feel like I've been to a solo gig after every show....what? There were others on stage? LIARS!! I only have pics of one dude!! I really should only have to pay 1/5th of the price of a regular ticket! Haha. Highlights of the show for me were Click, Click, Click....the change up they did on that was great! Also, Joe's mash-up of Twisted/Sweet Dreams was genius but for me, its JK's fluid motion dancing that has me memorised The man is so smooth.....one can only imagine......erm, anyways.......
So they kicked ass and we danced ours off! It was so freaking hot in there....erm HELLO, have you never heard of air-conditioning? We were all hot and bothered after and my hair was doing that annoying sweaty stick to the back of your neck thing and was starting to frizz up! Blah! Where is Johanna.......I need a stylist!!! We went and stood outside after the show and we had an interaction with a fan which provided us with much entertainment over the coming days, mimicking her. I didn't know her but I knew of her. Very snooty, very into herself, very why are you talking to me cause I'm so much better than you. That was the vibe that was emanating rom her along with a healthy dose of cheap perfume. I didn't say anything to her, just observed her stance and actions and managed to cultivate an uncanny impression that would be used consistently over the next few days. More about that later. So in summation, the concert rocked. The Kids kicked ass as usual and Jordan is still the greatest thing since red rope liquorice. :-)

DAY ONE - SAIL AWAY PARTY
Friday finally arrives and its time to pack up our shit and move this freak circus out to the ocean. We jump in a taxi headed for the Port Of Miami. Arrive at the terminal and it was like landing on another Planet. Imagine all of the New Kids merchandise ever made had been thrown into the air and landed on a group of people and that was the scene at the Port. T-shirts, hats you name it, it was there. People actually bought their Mac Packs with them as a valid vessel for transporting their shit around. I guess if there is one time for you to use your Mac Pack bag and not look like a freak its on the NK cruise. Apologies if you brought yours and are offended by that comment, I am just not into wearing or carrying New Kids merchandise until they make it slightly cooler and trendy but if thats your thing, then go on with your bad self and rock that booty-poop!

After saying we don't do lines we are forced to line up at immigration. I am kind of amazed that is like a military drill just to get on a damn boat. Spying my “foreign” passport, the official starts asking me for a green paper to which I reply “huh?”. Turns out there is a green immigration paper or something that I filled out on the plane and was supposed to keep. I did not know this. I had a stamp in my passport and completed my visa waiver online. Why get you to fill out the visa online if they require a hard copy at the port? Whatevs, I didn't have it. The official glared at me but what is she gonna do? I have a stamp which means I was cleared at the airport and I have a visa. They let me through......Immigration = 0, Me=1. Yay! So we board the boat. The first thing you see is a giant New Kids banner hanging from the ceiling.....we've arrived! We are here!! We're on a boat mother fucker, on a boat! Excited fans run around taking photos, all trying to figure out where everything is and where the New Kids are hiding. Me and Jen had one concern.....where is the smoking area. Smoking is banned on the lido deck until we set sail so they sent us off to the depths of the Xanadu lounge in a dark corner of the ship. Trying to get to the Xanadu lounge was made more difficult due to being stopped every few minutes by photographers wanting to take your picture holding all kind of weird and inanimate objects. You were suddenly given a coconut to hold, or told to sit on a log with your legs demurely crossed, or given an anchor to hold as over enthusiastic photographers took your photo. It was pretty hilarious.

After a smoke it was margarita o'clock. We wandered around for a while not really sure what we were supposed to be doing or where we were supposed to be going. Oh I forgot to mention that in the spirit of all things cultish we were all electronically tagged on the way in by means of a wristband. This wristband contained the letter of the group you were in for all events and was colour coded. I suspect there may have been an electronic device implanted so someone knew if you had gone overboard or even worse, tried to buy a drink without your Sign and Sail card. Oh the drama! We had orange wristbands which we quickly figured out were the loser wristbands. We were at the back for every show. Not that we were all that bothered. Our main concern was that the wristband prevented our arms from getting an even tan. I am all for an internal chip next year to prevent tan line issues.

Pretty soon we were all called to the safety demonstration. Carnival staff all seem to be British and very cheery. No one listened to the safety demonstration.....no one! We've all seen Titanic and know that the best way to survive your boat sinking is to hang on to the railing for as long as possible, find an old door to float on and then lay back and sing My Heart Will Go On until someone rescues you. Either that or find Donnie and use his ass as a floatation device. So....life jacket goes over head.....got it. Can we get this party started now please?? We quickly popped back to check out our cabin. I had visions of it being the tiniest space in the world and so was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't all that bad and no where near as small as I imagined. We decided not to decorate our door. We did have a sign in mind but decided against it at the last minute due to the high possibility of causing offence and being thrown off the boat. Someone people lack a sense of humour! Haha! Turned on the TV briefly.....oh yeah baby, NKTV! A whole channel dedicated to New Kids 24 x 7. The VH1 special was on repeat the first day and Coming Home was on repeat the second day. I need this channel at home. Loves it!
A quick freshen up and it was time to head to the Libido Deck, sorry I mean Lido Deck for the Sail Away party. We were on our 3rd cocktail by then so were ready to do some booty shaking.

The Lido Deck was packed but not as packed as I imagined it would be. I mean don't get me wrong, the scene around the stage area made me cringe. Women piled up on top of each other trying to climb up the railings with security trying to hold them back. It was so desperate looking.
We had tons or room and were just off to the side of the stage, great view, there is no need to be right up in their faces. I sometimes which these chicks would take a step back and look at themselves. What do you think is going to happen to you by climbing up and stepping on people like that? Yeah, you may get to touch the hand of one of them, or get an autograph.....big deal. Is it worth losing any shred of dignity you have to be that desperate? Apparently it is to some. Not my deal at all, if it is yours again....go on with your bad self.

So out come the New Kids, things get crazy. The big pile 'o' bitches starts to push and we observe it getting ugly over by the stage with security hauling people off the pile. Jon is the first one I see. I am always struck by the good looking-ness of Jon. To me he is the most striking to look at out of all of them. Jordan is my heart but Jon is a hot mofo! Donnie comes out and whips up the crowd into even more of a frenzy. I kind of feel that Donnie loves the crazies. He craves girls going ballistic around him and the nuttier you act, the more he feeds off of it. I guess that is why people love him though, he's down. Ddub's crazy love-fest is essential to the survival of the New Kids. So then I see Joe, he looks happy doing his little Joe arm roll dance that looks like something your dad does at weddings, LMAO!
Then my tunnel vision kicks in as I spy Jordan, looking like danger in a slightly steamy open neck top that shows just enough chest to get my loins a throbbing but not enough for a full on Jord-gasm. Someone needs to wrap that guy in caution tape! Jordan is too cool for school, he doesn't have to do a great deal for it to be memorising I am momentarily distracted from JK gazing by some chicks dressed as pirates making their way through the crowd and then by another chick with two Donnie tattoos on her shoulder.....one old skool Ddub, one new skool Ddub!

We danced and sang, we watched the pile 'o' bitches crumble on top of each other in an oestrogen filled heap and before we knew it we were sailing! Thankfully I don't suffer with sea sickness so didn't have to wear one of those little patches behind my ear which I saw a lot of people sporting. By the time the NK's were done with their Sail Away sing-a-along it was getting towards the evening. The crowd dispersed and things reverted to normality....people started doing regular shit that they do when they vacation sans New Kids, ya know, sitting in the sun, having a few cocktails, dancing, chatting, being chicks. That is pretty much we spent a lot of time doing....getting to know one another, enjoying the time spent together as friends first and as NK fans second.

I think if you go into these things with that kind of attitude you have a much better time. The only people who complain about the cruise are those that go into it with un-realistic expectations. You are not going to be sharing a sun lounger with Jordan, you are not going to get to rub lotion in to Joe's shoulders, Donnie is not going to play frisbee with you on the beach........I take that back, its Ddub so its possible. Lol.

The order of events that day is sketchy in my brain. I think we were supposed to go to our game show that evening. We opted out of going, something that other fans found strange....what?? You mean you didn't go to the New Kids game show?? Why Why Why?? It was like their was something wrong with us! We didn't go because we just wanted to hang out with each other for a while and chill. Which we did figuring we could watch the game show on YouTube later on. Lol. Its hard to hear the questions anyway with everyone screaming and shouting through the entire thing. And besides, we wanted to get ready for that nights theme party cause after all, getting ready to go out is the best part of going out.....

DAY ONE - CASINO ROYALE NIGHT
Ahh Casino Royale Night. Throw on a nice frock and act like a Bond girl for the evening. Being British, I felt like my outfit was in my accent and so didn't not have to try too hard in the dress department in order to full fill the criteria assigned to the theme. Lol! I had a disastrous time getting ready. My outfit was all planned out....I was wearing my uber cool jumpsuit thingey that 3 night previous I had taken for a maiden voyage in Miami and loved it. Of course, I put it on that night and decided I hated it and tossed it to the side before slumping down in a heap of tears wailing “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!!”. Numerous outfits later.....still nothing suitable. Suddenly MC whips out a dress from her suitcase. Now if you have seen me and MC together you will know that I am 5ft 9” and she is 5ft 2”. Surely any dress that she has is not going to fit me! It was cute though so I tried it on and bugger me sideways, it fit perfectly although very short but to be honest, I'm all about the short dress! It was royal blue, super low and made my bewbies look enormous. Oh yeah it was a winner!! What I didn't count on was the wind factor! The minute I stepped on to the Lido deck the wind took the hem and blew it over my head. I tried to work against the wind but in the end I was spending more of my evening worrying about my dress blowing over my heard and exposing my booty to the entire boat than enjoying myself so I went back to the cabin to change.

Put on a black number and finally felt comfortable with what I was wearing. And so the party started. The Lido deck filled up with girls dressed in their glamorous outfits, all having a great time. It was like the biggest and best nightclub you've ever been to on water. It was truly a joyous atmosphere and nobody cared. Sometimes in clubs I feel self conscious, I don't generally like night clubs. I hate having to shout and just find them crazy and loud but this seemed different. It was a nice, party atmosphere.

The Lido area is kind of split into two sections; the main deck and then there is the sacred VIP area that is on a deck that runs round the top of the boat. The NK's perform up on this deck in the evening and it seems to be everyones goal to get up there. I had no clue about VIP before getting on this boat so didn't really pay any attention to anyone standing up there, just figured that is where they chose to stand without realising that it was kind of roped off at the stairs and you needed a VIP bracelet to get up there. I also didn't realise that just because I was JK's contest winner last year that other people would assume that I would be up there and come over and express somewhat bitchy comments about the fact that I wasn't. That surprised me. I had no expectation of being in VIP and it started to annoy me after a while. It was at this point that I started to notice this obsession people had with VIP.

As I looked around the crowd all I saw were fans staring up at the balcony trying to catch someones eye in the hope of getting an invite up there. A few people who were already on the balcony made a point of rubbing it in peoples faces, constantly standing right at the railing looking down on everyone. Refer back to snooty girl at The Fillmore. Everyone seemed desperate to get up there. We partied downstairs and danced and we were having a great time. I wasn't really paying any attention to VIP until someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was a girl who then pointed to the balcony. Jason was there beckoning for me to come to the stairs. We went to the stairs and I thought, cool, looks like we've been invited up figuring that I was probably recognised by one of JK's crew from Chicago as we spent a lot of time with them. The scene at the stairs was chaos. A big group of girls had gathered around the stairs and security were trying to keep them back. Jason came down and asked what my Twitter name was and then laughed. As he was trying to put the VIP bracelet on my wrists other girls were pushing and shoving me and sticking their wrist out in the hopes he would get the wrists mixed up, it was crazy. One girl tried to rip a bracelet from my hand. I turned round and told her to back the fuck off to which she laughed like an asshole. Again, I am of this opinion. Would you rather be in VIP because a New Kid has invited you up there or because you stole someones bracelet? Or offered to blow security? Or does it not matter to you how you get up there, as long as you do?

The VIP area was pretty busy. I recognised a few prominent Twitter people up there already. We were up there kind of hanging away from the stage area when Jason came over, grabbed me by the hand and led me to the stage area as Jordan was about to perform GITY. Ya see, there is a secondary roped of area up there. The VIP of VIP if you will. There is VIP on the balcony and then another roped off area right at the stage where they perform that requires an invite to get into. I was lucky that night and got invited to watch GITY right up close. As a JK girl, I loved it. I didn't crowd him, or run over screaming. Just stood quietly and watched wishing that my two friends were back here too.

JK rocked it! He looked amazing in his tux. I didn't ask him for a photo despite having the opportunity because I try to ask for as little as possible so as not to bother them. I'm not very pushy which is why I lack a lot of photos with NK's. I prefer memories that I can keep in my brain and cherish as opposed to a photo. I did get a hug and a kiss though which made my night and very soon after that Jordan disappeared into the night never to return. Lol.
Eventually Jen and MC made it through to the stage area and we hung out and partied for most of the night. The other NK's were milling around VIP, Jon was back and forth and so was Ddub. Ddub moves with an entourage and so causes more chaos when he comes through VIP. The best thing about VIP is the free drinks! Were all over those babies for sure!!

I felt very lucky and grateful to be invited up but I also felt sad that things are the way they are. On the couple of occasions that I looked down on the crowd and saw the faces staring back up I felt it was segregation as its worst and most obvious. Look at us, the lucky ones up here.....lucky because our faces are known to NK's. Does that make us more deserving than others? Hell no. I am no more deserving of a VIP bracelet than the next fan. Don't get me wrong, I loved being up there but I just felt bad at the same time ya know. I guess that is the way the world works.

Of course the fall out of this is that the next day you have to deal with people that you barely know attempting to buddy up to you, assuming you will get VIP every night and you will take them with you. Its all a bit of a strange situation which is why I tended to stick to my little group of girls the entire cruise. I can't deal with being around fake people that are only nice to you because they want something from you. I am sure any fan that has won an NK contest or is known to an NK or has had some kind of special moment with one of them will tell you that it makes you very wary of other fans. That may sound pretentious as hell but its true. I don't have 1500 followers on twitter because am an uber cool tweeter, I have 1500 followers because I won a contest and got to spend a day hanging out with Jordan. If girls have no problems ripping wristbands off your arm they sure as hell have no problem kissing your ass either. It's a weird little world. Again, just my opinion and if I spoke to you please don't think I was thinking that about you. Most people I spoke to on the boat I am totally cool with, its just a few that bugged me. More about the VIP train wreck later.....it got worse on White Night.

DAY TWO - HALF MOON CAY
So we wake up on Day Two, hungover, tired with croaky voices from shouting singing and dancing. It was a great evening and we all had so much fun!

Especially pleased that MC got to get her photo with Joe! Awww.
Walking around and talking to people that morning a lot of people seemed pissed that Jordan had left early, calling him boring.....lol. Others offered up outrageous opinions on why he left early. I don't think JK is a huge partier. He does his thing, entertains us all and when he's over it, he's over it, end of story. Thats is why he looks so damn good at age 40....plenty of beauty sleep! :-)

Danny was barely around at all, I guess choosing to spend time with his kids than party all night long so it was left to Ddub, Joe and Jon, all of whom did a great job keeping us entertained!
We spent the morning of Day Two chilling out on the Lido Deck. The boat was empty because everyone had got off to go to Half Moon Cay for the beach party. We figured we would head along later. We finally went at about 2pm, got in our little boat and landed in The Bahamas. The water was beautiful, so clear and blue. Like being in paradise. Had no idea what to expect from the beach party.....we heard there were games and OMG....medals!! I was unusually excited about the prospect of medals! Haha! As we docked we had no clue which direction to go in until we heard Ddubs voice resonating from somewhere at which point I started jumping up and down shouting “FOLLOW THE VOICE OF YOUR ASSIGNED CULT LEADER” and finding myself really funny. We would however, never have found the beach without Ddub preaching over the loud speaker and for that I thank him!

The beach looked like some pimpin rap video. Chicks in skimpy bikinis, bumping and grinding to music. I spotted a few old guys who looked bemused and a little aroused. I figured they were just on regular vacation and had not expected 2000 girls to show up on their secluded beach. They seemed very happy about it!

We got there in time for the limbo contest which was pretty funny to watch although, being such an old granny mothering type my main thought was for Jordan's back when he was limboing under the pole! Then there was the racing which was pretty hilarious. Fans racing out of the water up the beach and into the arms of a waiting Donnie and Jordan. It was all fun until a dude fan entered the contest, he was assigned to run into Jordan's arms and bless JK he looked a little perturbed and moved his ass out of the way so he didn't have to have a bromance moment in the middle of the beach. This dude was a bit too enthusiastic though and made a point of slamming into JK. He didn't look happy about that.

We got cocktails served in giant coconuts and took stupid photos of our bewbs to entertain ourselves. Joe walked around shirtless most of the time unaware that his hair was doing this freaky weird, wet parting thing that made him look a little like Pee Wee Hermann!! haha. The highlight of the day was when the DJ put on a dirty song and the words “cock in your ass” resinated round Half Moon Cay much to the delight of the fans who are always up for some nasty lyrics! Joe seemed perturbed and called for a change in music to which the DJ replied with “I like big butts and I cannot lie......”. As the owner of a big butt, this is one of my favourite songs and I subconsciously break into exaggerated booty shaking whenever it comes on.....LOOK AT ME AND MY MASSIVE ASS SHAKING TO A SONG ABOUT MASSIVE ASSES. ISN'T THAT COOOOOOLLLL!. Lol. That is really what you are trying to express when dancing like that.

So in a scene that reminded me of Moses parting the water, the fans separated and made a path so our hallowed leaders could make their way to their waiting speedboat to go back to the ship. They would have been back on board within 10 minutes, it would take us 2 hours to get back to the ship.
We happily skipped along the beach in the water and made our way to the dock. A huge line had already formed. We don't do lines and so elected to sit at some chairs next to the line and drink cocktails until the line was shorter. This also provided the perfect opportunity for an impromptu meet and greet as everyone filed past.

After an hour or so we were bored off our tits and going a little crazy, getting to the point where making up a name for our coconut (that had a little face on it) seemed entertaining. We called him Danny Coconut and then proceeded to kiss him and lick him like he was a real life man! Eventually we joined the line, got on our boat and headed back to the ship. Group B (our group) had their concert that night so we pretty much got back, chilled for a bit and then got ready. Whilst back in our cabin, MC goes into the bathroom and starts shouting.....ewwwww, who dropped a deuce and didn't flush!!! LMAO!! She's jumping up and down like a banshee over the poop in the toilet bowl.

We all looked suspiciously at each other. None of us had even used the bathroom that morning as we had a “deuces belong in the Lido deck restroom” policy!! Why sully your own cabin when you can sully someone else's! There had been a strange smell on the boat that morning so we think there was some kind of plumbing issue and we had someone else's deuce in our toilet bowl. There is only one thing to do in these situations, aside from laugh, call a man with a plunger to de-deuce the bowl. He came up just as I was naked in the cabin. Worried he had a key and was gonna burst in, I did a forward dive on to my bunk and cowered in the corner until he dealt with the poo and left!!! LMAO!!

DAY TWO - CONCERT AND PJ PARTY
That evening was our concert. The concerts were pretty late so you kind of had to get dressed up in your outfit for the evening before going to the concert. That night the theme was PJ's. LOL!! I elected to wear MC's dress that I was gonna wear the night before on PJ night. It did look like PJ's. I slung a VS black silk robe over the top and I was ready! Our seats for the concert sucked like a 5 dollar whore with no teeth. 3 rows from the back! Didn't even have a comfy chair to sit on as we were propped up on stools all night. To be honest though, the venue was so small, every seat was pretty close so it wasn't an issue. Again, loved the show although the people in our section did not really dance at all which makes for a slightly lack lustre atmosphere. It was really hot in there too and as I was wearing all silk I was sweating like a glass blowers ass and it was the first time I felt a little sick from the motion of the boat. Really wanted a drink! Would have got one too but the Carnival staff were more interested in watching the show as opposed to doing their bloody job and hydrating those of us who had actually paid a lot of money to stand in this moving sweat box!

The show again was awesome! They rocked it and when they came up the middle aisle, I got my Jordan hand grab, yay me! Concert over, time to move to the Lido and get the partay started! After seeing vids of girls in underwear last year I was hoping to see some sights that would make my blog much more entertaining than it currently is. I was hoping for bare asses, muffin tops, corsets, nipple slippage.....I was sorely disappointed when most people turned up in very conservative outfits. Shorts and little vests seemed to be the outfit of choice for most. I felt very overdressed as I was essentially wearing a dress and a robe and was more covered up than most. Imagine my shock when Jen and I went to bar to get drinks and some girl said “Time to go, the sluts are here”. WTF?? Sluts? Hahaha!! I found that hilarious. I guess she was hungry and grumpy.....the all you can eat buffet was closed. Yes I went there. I'm not bitchy, but say something like that to me and I will be! People like that make me laugh, I just think that says more about them than it does about the person they are directing the comment at and usually emanates from their own feelings of insecurity. Maybe next year she should spend $2000 on building her own self esteem instead of getting her ass on a boat and making nasty, snap judgments on others. STEP OFF!

Anyway, if it was windy the night before there was ZERO wind that night which made it very very hot on deck. I was sweating so much it was uncomfortable. The guys came out dressed in togas which was cute.
The highlight of the evening was watching Joe do his Tequila dance whilst flashing his junk, that was the moment Joe moved up to my number 2 NK. He had been really cool all weekend and just looked like he was having a blast, living in the moment and not thinking or worrying about things too much. Ddub was constantly walking around with an entourage, dressing like a white boy rapper and causing chaos wherever he went. Jon was around, walking around freely, chatting to people and being cute with Harley, Danny was no where to be seen and JK left early again. We didn't get invited up to VIP that night but glancing up, it was the same people up there as far as I could see. Mostly Donnie girls. By 3am my feet were killing me so we went back to the cabin.

DAY THREE - PHOTO OP WITH NKOTB
Last day on the boat. The realisation that it was all nearly over started to sink in so we were a bit melancholy. The only thing really planned for that day was the Photo Op. By this point, I had completely lost my voice and was speaking in squeaks that only dogs could hear. When my voice did break through I sounded like a dude with way too much testosterone flowing through his veins. It was definitely a dark glasses kind of a morning. Our photo op was scheduled for 1:30pm. At 11:30am we went down to the Lido, grabbed some drinks and sat people watching.

The Honeydips were there, wearing their cute sailor hats and grinding away, there was a chick doing some crazy crack head dance by the pool which caused me to laugh so hard I almost peed myself and then a classic moment occurred which brought the house down.

A girl wearing a bathing suit climbs up the steps out of the pool totally unaware the her left bewbie was hanging out of her swimsuit. Everyone sitting near us watched her walk along the side of the pool, shake her hair off and go about her business with her titties hanging out. If I was a decent person, I would have got up out my chair and run over to save her dignity, instead I just sat there and laughed my fucking ass off. Really loudly. Like roaring in this croaky, manly way. I am a suckey person!!! Eventually she realised and the tittie was returned to the inside of the bathing suit.
So we were chilling, thinking we had loads of time to get ready for our photo op and then that annoying English tannoy chick cheerily announces that group B's photo op has been moved to 12:30 which meant we had 30 minutes to get ready. It was pretty funny watching the panic spread across the Lido Deck. Chicks jumping out of pools and running, arms flailing back to their cabin......I don't think they had imagined turning up to meet the New Kids smelling of chorine and day old urine. Icky poo! I still had last nights makeup on after falling in to bed at 5am so was looking OK. Just needed a bit of a touch up, change of clothes and I was done.

The glasses stayed on as I had bags the size of Brazil under each eye. I didn't think too much about my clothes for the photo op....thinking was painful at that point so just wore jeans, heels and a top, nothing fancy. I figured....meh, Jordan's never seen you in jeans before, you don't have to make a point of putting your legs on display every.single.fucking.time.you.see.him. He's probably like, bitch I'm over them, put them away!!

The Photo Op was chaos. You had to have a group of 10 or they would not accept you. We had organised our group before hand like most people but due to the time change a few members of our group were missing, still getting ready. We were being hurried by the staff who kept screaming for us to get in line “THE NEW KIDS WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU”. OK, chillax will ya for one bloody moment! We ended up waiting on one person who was still in the shower so we got in line and they said they would let us in with 9 people.

Watching everyone coming out of the Photo Op I started to feel under dressed. Some bitches had gone to town. It was like they were off to party at a club....all manner of sparkly outfits, huge hair and tons of makeup. Seemed like a lot of bother to me to what amount to 30 seconds standing next to a New Kid. I started to wane at this point, leaning on Jens shoulder just wanting to sleep. Finally it was our turn. I was obviously gonna stand with JK and he was the first person there as you walked in so I didn't have to walk far before finding the next person to prop me up!! haha!! Thanks Jordan! He made a comment about my dark glasses and me having a heavy night. I giggled, smiled for the photo, gave him a hug and then moved on. Was surprised that Joe stopped me on my way through to talk to me and then offered up a hug. Obviously he had got word that he was about to overtake Ddub on my list of NK's and was putting in the work to secure the number 2 spot! Haha!

On our way out we saw Danny's dad sitting there. Man, he is a funny guy. We saw him the night before getting hot and heavy on the Lido deck with a fan, it was pretty funny. The dude is old and this fan must have been at least half his age. I wasn't sure if I felt bad for his dad or the fan. I mean props to the guy. If you can use your son's popularity to get yourself some young ass then fucking go for it, just don't fall in love with her. If you are the fan using Danny's dad to get to Danny or any other NK.....well, that's kind of lame. Unless old dude's are your thing. We saw Danny's dad again later on, again on the Lido Deck with a couple of other older guys and 2 young girls. They were kind of frolicking around and then his dad came over and asked us to take a photo of him with the girls. It was all pretty funny but he for sure was having a great time on the cruise!!

So after the photo op we made our way up to the balcony to do some sunbathing. Did not realise that Danny was about to host a Health and Fitness seminar on the Lido Deck. We had a great view and were forced to listen to Danny talking about how to live a healthy lifestyle while we layed there consuming way too many alcohol units and smoking way too many cigarettes. He made me feel guilty....like I should be doing laps around the boat, eating salad and drinking vitamin water or something. I admire his dedication to fitness and the fact that he is inspiring people to lose weight and get fit but at that point in the day I just wanted to sit on my ass being unhealthy, fat and annoying!!
Jen decided to go to the bathroom and she missed the funniest thing to happen on the cruise, for me anyway. Bless MC, she can't see too well without her glasses on and as she was sunbathing was not wearing them. We were laying there and these two guys walked straight past us. I recognised one immediately as Joe and figured she had too, as she is a huge Joe girl. He always recognises her and so stopped and said “Hey”, MC kind of looks at him strangely and does this really over exaggerated sarcastic “Heeeeeeeeyyyy”. He walks past me and I said “Hey Joe”, he smiled, said hi and walked off to the water slide. Suddenly a bunch of girls come running past us, chasing him. Lol. MC looks at me and says “Who was that asshole?”. I laughed so hard and said “Um, Joe”. She sat up horrified “SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!”. I said it was! She was mortified! She thought it was just some creepy dude saying hi. It was hilarious! Jen comes back and starts filming so we have the aftermath on tape. Click link below to watch

Sometimes this shit just writes itself. Classic moment! Didn't do a great deal for the rest of the day, just bummed around chilling, doing our favourite impersonation and speaking in a stupid Kristen Cavellari/OC accent to entertain ourselves. I had spoken with that stupid voice so much over the last 3 days I was getting concerned that I would speak like that FOREVER!!

DAY THREE - THE WHITE PARTY
So the final night was white night and more importantly a celebration of the day when the greatest human being on earth was born......no not the baby Jesus, but close.....Jordan Knight!!! woooo! My love-bug was turning 40. I felt old. As I thought about that, I started to reminisce about being young and getting your first crush. The word crush is always fleeting and flighty to me. A word used to describe temporary feelings of wanting and lust. Can a crush last 22 years? I think we need a new word to describe long term, life stopping crushing.....lets call it LUSH (love crush). Lol. Remember when he was 18, wearing braces and had a fondness for dungarees?? I loved him then and still love him now. Got me thinking about “loving” New Kids. Someone once said to me that the word love gets bandied around to frequently, and that is true. You can't love someone you don't really know. I think what we have is a deep fondness and appreciation for them, heightened by feelings of nostalgia for a time when life was less complicated. Well whatever it is, it makes me horny!! haha! So was really looking forward to White Night and celebrating JK's birthday in style.

Jen and I decided to rock the fake hair that night. She had those clip in extensions and I had my fake pony tail that I LOVE!! We put on our white clothes and headed to the Lido deck. Everyone looked so cool, its a nice sight seeing everyone dressed in white and everyone looked really pretty.
We were all having a great time. Again the same people were in VIP. That was the only night I really wanted to be up there, simply because it was JK's birthday. I could see more and more people filling up the VIP area until it looked really crowded up there. I had pretty much given up on getting an invite when Charlie came down and gave us bracelets. He told me there was a line of girls waiting to get into VIP. We went down by the stairs and sure enough there was a huge line of people all with VIP waiting to be let up. It was crazy! I knew Donnie gives out more bracelets than the other guys, in fact I don't think the others give out many at all. However after speaking to a few people it became clear that very few bracelets were actually given out by NK's. Most people seemed to get them from security or Kevin or Danny's dad or people surrounding the New Kids. I was not surprised. Its something I noticed the whole 3 days. People sucking up to the likes of Kevin, working them to get an in. One girl had 12 VIP bracelets, all of them obtained by working through every member of security. It became clear that if you are a pushy person who does not really care what lengths you have to go to to get a bracelet, then you invariably get one from somewhere.

So we stood in line and waited as they let people in 20 at a time. One girl, who is well know on Twitter as a prominent Donnie girl, who had VIP every night and comes across like she has some kind of entitlement tried to jump the line shouting “But I have VIP!!!!!!” waving her bracelet around. Um yeah, we all do luv, back of the line. She looked kind of huffy, it was funny. We made it upstairs just as they were singing Happy Birthday to JK. VIP was packed that night and totally crazy!
Anybody and everybody was up there. It was crowded and not nice. I managed to get near to the stage bit to watch Jordan sing GITY which was cool, he looked like he was having loads of fun and enjoying himself which was nice to see. It was so crowded though, everyone was pushing and shoving. A prominent Jon girl pretty much summed up what I was thinking, looking at the craziness “What have we become? Who are we?”. I dug that comment totally at that moment. We still had fun though, it was just harder due to all the pushing and shoving. After a while we got tired of it, it wasn't fun anymore, too many people in a small space so we went back downstairs to the Lido Deck where we had room to dance just going back up to VIP for the free drinks. JK didn't hang around all that long that night either and once he's gone, I'm kind of over VIP. Lol. Apart from the free booze.....I am always under that!! Some girl says to me “You win best hair, I don't think its yours but you still win”. I don't know if I should be insulted or happy about that comment!
We partied some more and then MC and I threw in the towel at about 4am. Jen stayed in VIP all night figuring it was not worth going to bed for 2 hours as we had to be up early. I had to go, my feet could not take it any longer!!

FINAL MORNING - BON VOYAGE SS NKOTB!
Woke up the next morning feeling like crap!! I missed breakfast favouring bed over food and then had to rush to get my case packed and get my butt into action. When we got off the boat and outside we saw all the NK's getting in to their limo's. It was sad that it was all over. We had been looking forward to it for so long and now it was time to go back to reality. I still had another day in Miami but Jen and MC were heading straight to the airport. The tears flowed. I had the best time with them and I love them both so much. Truly awesome women that make me laugh and smile in equal measure. I met a lot of cool people on that boat. A lot of people were not what I was expecting. People that I thought would be cool, were not and people I were kind of blah about on Twitter turned out to be awesome. Its an interesting dynamic for sure, but that is what makes it fun.
All in all, the NK cruise was an amazing experience. I loved every second of it and would definitely recommend it to anyone who is thinking about going next year. People will invariably complain about some things, its human nature, but if you go in with the attitude of just having fun with like minded people, enjoying the events and the music and focus less on meeting New Kids then you will not fail to have a good time.

See you at Radio City. X
Follow me on Twitter @KateWhinesAlot





17 comments:

  1. Thanks for writing this! I enjoyed reading it! :-)
    Cheri

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  2. Thank you for sharing! Loved how real you are, and that you had a great attitude.

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  3. I loved reading this, you are a talented writer and as usual you had me laughing so hard!

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  4. Thanks for sharing! Sounds like an awesome time!

    Kerry
    @OKStatefanKLM

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  5. Thanks Kate for your blog! I felt the same about alot of your comments! I had the best time. I didn't have any face time with Jordan except during photo op, but just watching him and the rest of the guys perform and have fun regardless of how long he was out there, is something I would gladly do every day or at least 3 times a month! LOL!
    XJordanspearl

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  6. Hi Kate! I read this from a link retweeted on Twitter. You're a hilarious writer! Happy to say that I'm not one of your 1500 followers just because you won a contest and met JK, but I might become the 1501st just because you seem like a reasonable human being, haha! I loved the comment about how you don't believe you are more deserving of VIP than anyone else. Not all of us have all our lives to waste time spamming NK's on Twitter, or billions of dollars to spend following them around the globe going to 5*'s Some of us had to work hard just to be able to take the trip of a lifetime to NYC and Boston next month to see them at RCMH. So, thanks for saying that.

    And I knew there'd be crazy on the boat. Looks like you had plenty... :D Maybe I'll be able to go see this for myself next year... Haha!

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  7. Thank you very much for all the nice comments! x

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  8. Thank you for writing this & keeping it real! I also love your "heyyyy!" video!

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  9. You always crack me up!! Thanks for writing this!

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  10. Fun blog as always glad you had a fab time on the cruise :)

    Yup I did start to follow you when you won the contest because I wanted to see your reaction when found out that you had won, it just makes me smile when others are happy and excited (sentimental old fool that I am lol). I continued following you coz I think your quite funny and you blogs are great loved the one about the single life, my mums the same that look of when exactly am I getting Grandchildren.... Apparently a psychic told her she would have 6 grandkids I said "don’t be ridiculous Kate (my sis) won’t have 6 kids" her face was a picture lol

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  11. Great blog! I had an amazing time in Miami and the cruise, too! I had to laugh at your "Jordan Knight Tunnel Vision" because I suffer from that as well. I tried to give the other guys equal camera time, but for some reason my lens always ends up on Jordan. He has had my heart since I was 17!

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  12. haha!! Yeah I love him to pieces. Thanks for the nice comments about the blog. Glad you enjoyed x

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  13. I won't call you Kate since it doesn't seem to be your name and I like to use names. I will say I don't really know why I started following you other than someone I did follow rt'd something that made me laugh and I thought hey she's cool get her lol. I wish I'd gotten to meet you on the boat but when there is 2000 women its not always as easy as it might seem lol. Regardless the blog was great and I laughed thinking about alot of what you said being what me and my roomie felt as well. We did what we wanted didn't care about VIP didn't get up there either but I didn't spend all that money to stand in line and let someone judge me so we partied nightly with other great girls went to bed somewhere around 4ish in the morning every night and I can't wait for next year. Other than having some big girls ass in my face on PJ night (not that I'm small but I am aware of where I'm sticking my ass lmao) It was a great vacation. Hope to see you next year tho maybe we'll meet in NYC who knows.
    @mysticfearie

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  14. Bloody hilarious blog! Sums it up brilliantly. Love hearing different perspectives of everyone's experience on the ship. Only blog I've read from a UK BH...

    Thank F we have RCMH to look forward to, hurrah!!

    @soniank

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  15. Glad you had fun. TY for sharing the stories from the cruise. Glad you got to go in VIP in the VIP area (VIP VIP). Glad you had facetime. Getting many followers on twitter because of winning something, as in your case, terrifies me because I am very particular about who I allow to follow me.

    I have never met you, but you seem like a generous, kind, friendly person

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  16. GREAT Blog!!! How funny is it that I am the girl in the background of the pic with Joe!!

    @dannystrouble

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  17. Great blog! The cruise was a blast and I can't wait to go again! I read this blog thinking how I have so much in common with you as far as your attitude towards lines, crazy fans, etc.I was in your photo group and besides the craziness of the missing girl from our group, it was nice to be with such sweet, mellow girls! I really hope I have a chance to say hello this time around! ~Carey @wicked12

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